Seananigans

Youth is an interesting time in a person’s life. When you are young, time seems like forever. You feel that school is going to go on forever. You feel like you have a lot of time at your leisure. You learn by what your parents teach you, and from the friends that you are around. You learn about yourself from how other people treat you. You learn about yourself from how well you do in sports, academics, social life, and with members of the opposite sex.

These are all teachers of life.

We learn about ourselves, from an early age, how we compare with others. If we do well in academics and have verbal affirmation, then we consider ourselves smart, and have a foundation to work from there. Now, if we experience hurt or are denied affirmation, and say we have some very negative experiences with the opposite sex, or our social life, or in school, then we learn at a young age that something is wrong with us. That we don’t match up with the rest of society.

Often, as is the case, if you believe that you fail in one area of life, then you turn to the area that you believe you can succeed in. Say you fail in being successful with girls at a young age, but people tell you that you are smart, then often is the case that you will turn towards the books because girls are associated with pain and un-success. We learn to avoid that pain, rather than confronting the issue. We mask it behind books or sports or whatever, because there is much pain felt in that other area.

What is a kid to do who has no significant parental guidance and doesn’t have good friends? Everything influences a child. If we have learned anything from psychology, it is that we are pretty much a blank script waiting for experience to etch onto us. Everything is written into our memories-often subconsciously. Our parents are teaching us about ourselves, probably more significantly than any other factor. And if you don’t have proper parental guidance, then you are a result of that.

But can we blame the parents? Something that I read recently dramatically influenced my understanding on this. Parents can only teach you what THEY themselves know (or have been taught). So if they teach you by their own good example, then they themselves were taught by (usually their parents) good example. If they teach you love, then they have been taught and shown love. We can only teach what we know, or have experienced, so if they have been taught improper love, then they can only teach you improper love. So you cannot blame your parents because they were only teaching you what they knew.

Our upbringing has so much effect on us that we can never fully comprehend. This is the shaping of our political values, our family values, our ability to trust, our ability to relate to others, and so much more. Our youth is laying a foundation for our future.

So in all of this, all I can think about now is what choices can I make now that will most help lay a proper foundation. What experiences can I have that will positively shape who I am.

For those of you that have read thus far, just reflect back on what influences have shaped and defined who you are today. If you want to share those then please, by all means, do.

The biggest influences on my life would be my parents, coming to college, my roommates, and my relationship with God.