Seananigans

That's me. The man without a plan. People ask me what I am going to do with my life. I tell them, "heck, I don't even know what I'm going to do tommorow". Direction is needed. Without a plan I just become a product of circumstance it seems. But how do we make plans that are in line with God's plans for ourselves? We wouldn't want to make a future contradictory to what God wants for us. Of course God already knows what were going to do no matter what we do, but that's another story..

I hear people often say that they try not to make too many plans because God will always change them. I don't know what that means. It seems for anything to come out favorably you must have some kind of plan. First you visualize it, then you put it into motion. Right? Isn't that how planning works. We have to have forsight. We as humans have the power to create. The power to make things happen. The power to change the course of events in front of us. Thats a proactive power given to us. But it's a choice that we take. There is a level of personal responsibility we are asked to take. That's were freedom of choice in all situations comes in.

But the reverse would be the reactive person. The person who makes no plans. The person who lets other people's agendas overrule them. The person who is reactant to situations and circumstance (i am sure we all are guilty of this). So their is a level of planning that seems critical and essential. I think without a plan, it is much easier to fall into sin. It is in that idle time that we don't know what to do with ourselves is when we are easiest prey to temptation or just whatever. I'm speaking from personal experience. I have to much idle time. Too much wasted time. Man I am scared to read "Don't Waste Your Life" by John Piper because I'm afraid he'll have a story about me in there. Man it sucks thinking about it sometimes, because I wish I was making the most of this time here at college, because there won't be another time like this again in life. We are so fortunate to be here. And there are so many opportunities.

I feel like I am missing so much. I want to have a a plan and direction and keep pushing forward. Not looking back in regret.

As Paul quotes in Phillipians "The one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and look forward to the goal that is ahead."

Yea, your thoughts...?

Aye, a lot of stuff running through my mind. Although I just did a post I wish I could post a thousand more. What thoughts are these? Running through my head...

You know what I want is consistency. I want virtue. I want truth. I want freedom. I want these things so much, and what hurts is I have so little of it, and apparently not the patience or forsight to obtain them. I let my addictions hold me and keep me from moving. Keep me from becoming the person I should be. And I seem so content in all of this. This routine pattern of having high hopes in my mind, but dissappointing myself everyday. This allusive happiness always seems just outside of my grasp. Right around the corner. I just need to do a few things first.

Why can't I do the things that I truly desire to do? When will I be free? When will I no longer let sin hold me down? Does sin ever loose its sweet appeal? In the guise of a beauty I can have, but once its obtained it destroys and corrupts. How much has sin already corrupted?

What I want more than anything is freedom. Freedom to love. Freedom to be myself and enjoy myself. Personal freedom. To have the freedom that sets me away from fear. "Where the spirit of the Lord is there is freedom". I want that God! Where is this freedom?

Why is so hard?

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As the great Socrates once said, "I guess I am considered the wisest man in the world because I realize that I know NOTHING." This topic has been on my mind a lot as well (there seems to be a lot going on up there). The formation of thought.

As a recently decided Philosophy major I realize that I have so much to learn. Honestly, I have to learn and relearn so much I feel that it is almost overwhelming. Because I think it is SO important to think for ourselves, I realize that this is something I haven't done until recently. Honestly, I've been brought up raised by my parents and taught in a school system where I was taught more memorization rather than actually how to critically think. And we get so many of our basic ideas and thoughts from our parents that we just accept on our own. How many people can say that there parents political views haven't affected your own? Most of us follow directly after our parents and our molded from birth to believe certain things, and why, because our parents believe so and it must be true. And your parents may have very well thought out, even correct ideas. But the thing is is that if we accept things just because they are told to us, we lose our ability to think on our own.

And this is so important in our lives where we are constantly bombarded by different messages, and ideas, and our own problems, that we NEED to be able to think on our own. We need to look at our problems, look at our future, be able to look forwards and backwards, use our imaginations, use our conscience and will to do what is right, to seek, to love, to live. And that brings me back to the original quote. Socrates realizes that he knows nothing. His ignorance is the start of his knowledge. And as humans we are so quick to forget our ignorance and our own limitations and we think we KNOW, and the truth is we have no idea and we cause ourselves our own problems by thinking we know.. the truth is we know so little about the world.

But as Plato said, "wonder is the beginning of philosophy" and it is wonder that I now try to look at the world. Not with old eyes, but new eyes. And I take belief that I am a new creation in Christ, "the old has gone, and the new has come".

(read my post on sexuality below)

Hmm, yes, I've wanting to post this for some time, so now I will.

I think repressed sexuality is a horrible, horrible thing. Especially in the Christian community which seems to advocate it. Wait until marraige until you have sex, if your going to be in a relationship it should be designed with marraige in mind, you shouldn't kiss, you should be wary of too much intimacy, Don't live together before you are married. These are the common messages I hear all around me. And I've come to accept them as just standard roles that I abide by if I am going to be a Christian. Anything less is looked down upon.

But, being in college what do we hear from our peers. SEX!!!! baby! I here stories from guys about their sexual escapades and what do I think? Am I revulsed? Do I think, "oh these guys are so foolish and stupid, I should convert them to Christians"? NO! I think I am jealous often. I am jealous that these guys seem to have more freedom than I do. I am abjected to rules and restrictions, not freedom. And what do I do? I turn away from my God given desires, and put up this barrier over my sexuality. Hiding in shame, for I am not supposed to be turned on by girls. I guess I think, "oh these guys may be having fun now but they'll pay later in life". Well, that could be true. But not neccesarily. I know plenty of non-Christians who engage in pre-marital sex who are great people, and have great relationships. My brother is one of those.

So what is to say about all of this. How can this be? Why are non-Christians having sex and are happy? Why are their so many unhappy Christians who are not having sex, and are not in a relationship? Is the answer B/C they aren't having sex? Is sex the magic ingredient?

No, sex is not the answer. With sex can come a lot of problems. In Ephesians it says, "There shouldn't be even a hint of sexual immorality amoung you" and from 1 Cor "FLEE from sexual immorality". These are our standards. God issued them. Now here are some extremes in our culture. But that is what God has called us to do. We are his Holy people and we are set aside. We do not engage in the same acts as those HEATHEN...

But at what price to ourselves? Most Christians, not all, around me (and I've been in this category) are afraid of their sexuality. Not wanting girls to think we want them. Restricting our sexuality and our behavior around them for fear they will think we are indecent. Scared of our God given sexuality. Scared of it! And I've been one these guys. We can't be like those guys around us in college. The frat guys who go from girl to girl. So we are the nice guys. We try to be cheery and peachy and happy and oh so nice. For our niceness will surely win them over. This seems to be the option for the Christian. NICENESS. We cannot let them think we like them, we must wait and try to find out if she likes us. We put the ball in the girls court. We can become super-Christians. There are a lot of Christian girls looking for a good Christian guy. Why aren't they in a relationship. Their are tons of Christian guys. But alas, we are afraid. We want to be men, but we are asked to hide our sexuality. We are told not to do these things.

So what is the answer? If sex isn't the answer, and niceness isn't the answer, what is there for us? I can tell you repression is NOT the answer. Hiding our sexuality is never a good thing. It comes out one way or another. We are sexual creatures. It will come out in other sexual perversion (usually hidden from others). Wonder why Catholic priests are getting in trouble with molesting young boys and girls? Could it be that they've felt they had to repress their sexuality all of their lives and then it just comes out in violent outings such as that or rape or internet pornography the most common one.

I don't know the answer. I now know the answer is not repressing our sexuality, but accepting it. Of course their is a level of control that is involved, for if their wasn't we'd be all over the place and in jail. But repression is not advisable, and NOTTTTTTTT to be advocated in the Christian community. I want to hear about how to express ourselves as Christians in a healthy and pleasable way to God. I don't want to be told not to do this or that anymore. That's what Christ came to set us free from. The law of the old covenant, b/c the law stirred in us this rebellion to it. Exactly what saying, "NO SEX" does. Makes me want to rebel, and at the same time have this standard I want to / have to uphold.

So as the song says, "Let's talk about sex". Let's talk about it in a more open way. Explain to us how to be Christian MEN, not Christian NICE Guys. I refuse to live in that land of fear anymore.

To those still reading this (if any) this is an important topic so I want to hear your opinions on this. I don't know how to allow comments yet so email me or post a blog of your own about sexuality and your thoughts on it.

Sean Raybuck

Well finals are over, as well as a long semester. I feel that I have learned a lot this semester, aside from school. The truth is school is just a means to an end, and our GPA is not the most important thing in the world. I'm probably just saying that because my GPA is going to suffer a lot this semester, but I've thought about it and it's not the end of the world, and what I'm looking for is not just the grade, but life itself.

What has been on my mind lately is virtue. I feel as though I am so up in down in my personality and just everything in general, and what has dawned on me is that "we are the sum of our habits" as Aristotle would put it. We are the sum of what we are in the habit of doing. So to change ourselves, we must change our habits. And thus, success, and character are a product of habit. And the truth is I have never really developed good habits. I've kind of coasted through life, and let life take me, more than me taking life. I'm a product of circumstance. I've been very fortunate in the circumstances and situations that God has placed me in. With extraordinarily great roommates, and just friends given to me. And honestly, I learn more from my friends than anything else. I'm blessed to have these guys in my life, and its true. The people we hang out with are very detrimental to our own outlook on life.

Growing up I never really had a good group of friends. And I can see how much that has impacted my life. And I really believe (and this actually is a big basis for my believe in God and in Christianity (amoungst other things)) that God took me from that. The direction I was going was not a good one. And the situation I was placed in with my roommates and everything, was EXACTLY where i needed to be. This forced me to look at God, because it became evident that if I had been in control of the situation, I would be a lot different person than I am now. And since then, seeing what God has stripped away from me and the direction he is taking me, is what holds me.

But back to virtue. In the Christian life, virtue is looked at a lot differently. Virtue is following God, and through the relationship with God, and through the Bible we are changed. You know, the whole point of the New Testament is that we are saved not through works, but by faith. Works account for nothing. Paul says in Phillipians basically that he was the stud of studs, the Pharisee of Pharisee, in regards to the law PERFECT. But all of that meant nothing compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus.

And the law could not make us righteous. Only the blood and death of Jesus. It is in fact the law that stirs up rebellion in us, and the fact that NO ONE man (other than Jesus) could live perfectly and blamelessly. Man couldn't live up to the law, that is why Jesus came. There was this great gap, and seperating it was our sin. "For all have sinned and all fall short of the glory of God". And this sin seperated us from God, and from living righteously. And that is why God sent Jesus. The law couldn't fix sin. We all have sin, and the law is a set of works to obtain righteousness, holiness, whatever you want to call it. But the sin still remains. The law created sin, for the fact that there were these certain standards and decree by God, showed what was good what was bad (what was sin).

So Jesus was sent to free us from our sins. And Christian virtue is a matter of faith in Him, not from works which we try to accomplish on our own. That's the distinct difference in the Old and New Testament, and a major issue people face today. How to live the "good life". Is it a matter of our own works? How does faith save us? How does faith produce virtue. Jesus says, "Apart from me you can do nothing". Our works apart from God are meaningless. And the greatness of Christ is in knowing him.

But alas, I will post more on this shortly.

Until then,
Sean Raybuck

What God has been teaching me..
Well, this semester has been tough and challenging. I'm learning things about myself everyday. A lot of harsh realities, and a lot of places I need working on. God has been doing some amazing things in my life. Sometimes it is hard to have patience, and hard to see what exactly God is doing. But there is this lesson I think I'm slowly starting to learn.The lesson is BE. I can always change, always look at things differently, always BE a better listener, encourager, leader, etc, etc. What is outside of myself doesn't need to change. I need to change how I look at things (anytime I think my problem is out there that thought is the problem). And that it isn't about DOING, it is about BEING and learning to adapt and change everyday. It's not what we do in life, it is who we are. My inside needs changing. My outlook needs to change. And the harsh but crucial reality is that it is important for me to look at and examine things everyday. And I've realized that the only way I can do that is in my relationship with God. My relationship with God transcends to all aspects of my life, because it is in that intimacy where he knows me, and I know him that I can examine everything.I think this is what draws me to philosophy. And my current desire (in thought) is to really think and visualize how I think the world around me came to be. My own thoughts. And studying the history and progress of human thought. One of my biggest fears is that I feel I don't know myself. I don't know my wants, desires, values, and I struggle with identity issues everyday. So much so that it is hard for me to think of anything else at times.

Well, I have decided to move from livejournal to here. I like the interface on this site better, and I needed a place to allow me to fully articulate myself.

On that note, there is a lot I want to start writing about, so you can fully expect me to start writing a lot more on here.

Michael Warren Rice posted a great comment on his blog, www.dailyrice.blogspot.com about the formation of identity. This idea about my identity has long been on my mind, and I think it deserves some attention. I think we are all looking for our identity. I look for mine everyday. We look for it in other people. We look for it when we seek love and acceptance from others. We are constantly seeking to be validated. We all want love. And the extent to which we look for love in others rather than ourselves, is were we loose our identity.

Why do guys often fear intimacy? It is because we think we are somehow loosing our identity to the girl. (but this will be in another post)

I will start writing some of my ideas about philosophy and life. On what I think is important. About the formation of philosophy, to a more present day outlook on life. I will be writing on some of the ideas we have talked about in my British Literature class on Shakespeare and love and mortality. The concept of carpe diem "seize the day", and looking at the end of our lives rather than the beginning.

There will be much talk on God and religion. There will be my own problems faced in the spiritual life (on a more speculative rather than personal level), and the concept of: What is the good life?

We'll take it from there.