Seananigans

There is a world of experience out there.. There's the sky, the trees, the lights, the stars, the wind, the Greeks, the geeks, the hacky-sack players, the Christian community, the teachers, the ideas and thoughts of all the young students, the dorms, the ping-pong, frisbee, soccer, tennis, and of course the dodge-hack.

THEN there is us. Our fears, our problems, our doubts, our struggles, our narrow-mindedness, our questions, our fear (did i mention that already?).

Taking these Philosophy classes is opening up a whole new world of thought for me. It's quite excited and challenging at the same time. I am learning so much. Studying about the great philosophers of the past, and just ideas, and whatnot. Just really sets off my imagination. And it's cool, I guess, because what are we but our thoughts? The mind creates our reality around us. And it is neat to be challenged and stimulated, and so important to be able to creatively think in this world.

As a Christian, however, there is this realm where we have a responsibility to take our thoughts to God. When we don't it is so easy to let a sinful thought take its root and be supplanted there. God has certain standards that he has set for us, that we are obligated to obey "if we love him". So scripture tells us. And then there is the fear of not wanting to loose what God has given us that keeps us in subservience.

But then there are my doubts. And these range all over the place. Sometimes I think Christianity is an ingenius design created not to "set us free" but to enslave us. Uh huh, yea, I think that sometimes. And im sure its fueled by different things that I have read from Freud to articles on the internet, and whatnot. It does sometimes seem like the standards are too hard to follow. It seems like sometimes (and im talking explicitly about myself) like these things are too hard to hold by, and I think I believe I see others who don't follow them have fun, and I wish I had that freedom. Sin is enticing. Seems much more attractive than holiness - sometimes.

But i don't know.. there is no theme to this post. Ideas, thoughts, people... yeah. craziness. Now what to do with myself?

Thoughts. It occurs to me that my reactions to people, my actions for the day, are all based on how I am thinking at the time. So much is dependant on my mood.

I don't see the world as it is. I see the world how I am. I tend to think more about my insecurities than about the problems of others. I am self-focused to the core. And not in a good way (if there is such a thing). I find myself through circumstance. There is no consistency to my behavior. I don't let my beliefs dictate my actions. I often let what others think of me do that for me. How can I ever find myself if I base my self-worth on what other people think of me?

At school, what the teacher teaches and what grade you make in the class is of lesser value than what YOU think about the material. This is our live. Our thoughts. Our actions. Our choice.

Grade is secondary to making our own formation of ideas and beliefs and critically thinking about the subject material.

Which brings me to the formation of knowledge and some thoughts on it...
Two quotes come to mind--from Socrates and The Bible.

In Proverbs it says, "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of all knowledge". I couldn't begin to tell you what I think this truly means. But it is worth thinking about. Fear, in this sense, means reverence and awe. Fear of the Lord.. Reverence for His wrath, His justice, His holiness, and knowing the Lord, I think is what this is talking about. The reverence we hold of Him, and knowing that he knows us inside and out, and sees all of our actions, is definently something to think about.

Second, is what Socrates talks about. Now Socrates was considered by many (and an oracle told him) to be the wisest man amoung Athens. How he responds, is "I guess I am considered the wisest man because I realize that I know nothing". He admits his ignorance, and doesn't forsume that he knows the answer. Instead he starts from the root that he is ignorant. I don't know where exactly I was going with this, but I think it is definently worth thinking about.

Last verse to close with,
"Your attitude should be the same as Christ Jesus:
who being in the very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness..."

Ahh, the start of a new semester--the start of a new year. There is something refreshing about that. The hope of a new beginning. The past mistakes and unmet expectations no longer holding me down.

This semester for me is going to be very interesting. I will be extremely busy. I am finally getting into my major (Philosophy) and taking the upper level classes as well as Honors classes. In addition to having two jobs--one at the San Marcos Babtist Academy as a Highschool Boys Dorm RA, and the other as a Co-Chair for Texas State University helping hire PALS who do PAWS Preview. So I'm coming from having way to much free time, to "oh my gosh I have so much to do i'm actually going to have to use a daily planner and organizer..". Plus all of my individual goals I have set, such as just reading as many books from all ranges and categories, to running in the morning and reading my Bible, and just staying Active.

So this semester is going to be a huge challenge. And the truth of the matter is, it may be almost overwhelming. I've never been very scheduled or organized. I am pretty scatterbrained at times, and very spacially minded rather than tasked minded.

I'm excited as well as scared. I have no idea where this is going to take me. All I can hope for is that this is all in God's plan, because all of this this virtually just fell into my lap. All of this stuff. And truth be told I need a lot of help.

The only thing I know to do is keep my eyes on God, because I need Him so much. And "I consider everything rubbish considered to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus..".

Aye

So I was just listening to http://www.sermonaudio.com (an awesome place for really great sermons by many, many speakers) and I found some stuff by Matt Chandler (DWC speaker). Interestingly enough, I clicked on a sermon that I had just heard him give at Dallas Winter Conference, but i'm glad I listened to it again.

The title of it was something like "Still struggling". Very fitting because I think this adresses something major in my life, as well as, I'm sure many Christians around me as well.

Matt Chandler told his church congregation (which is friggin' huge) to write there doubts down on a peice of paper and send them with the offering. You want to know the biggest doubt for almost all of them... If I am a Christian then why do I still struggle so much with sin?

So I think this question is VERY pertinent! If this is most Christians main doubt, what kind of solution is provided? Are we too keep struggling..? maybe we would be better off going our own way.

Still struggling with sin. Basically what he says is taken mostly from Romans 6. Where Paul talks about us being DEAD to sin. In Christ we are no longer living, but dead to sin. Well then WHY do we keep sinning? Why do we keep struggling? If were dead to sin, why does it feel so very much alive in us???

This doesn't make make sense to me. Does it make sense to you guys!? Isn't the whole purpose of Christ dying to forgive us and free us from sin. So if we truly accepted Him into our hearts, wouldn't that mean we would no longer be under the rule of sin? If it truly is "for freedom that Christ has set us free", free from that bondage, sin, guilt, etc, etc.. then whhHHHYY don't I feel free?

I want to say that as my words because I think that very often expresses how I truly feel. I don't feel free.

Hmm... so what exactly are we to do? I want to know the solution. This is what Matt Chandler addresses, so what I write is what he talks about. Almost all of this is taking from Romans 6 (and maybe some 2 Cor).

(WHAT HE SAYS..)
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Through Christ (placing our trust in Him) we are justified. Meaning as soon as we make the decision to put our faith in Christ that he died for our sins, we have right standing with Him. And this doesn't have anything to do with our EFFORT or what we've done (in the past). It doesn't have to do with following certain rules like no sex, drugs, or whatnot. God makes us RIGHT by his blood. Because He paid the penalty for our sins. That makes sense to me...

Sanctification now is different. This involves the GRACE OF GOD in our effort--in our movement. This doesn't mean sitting still and waiting for God to move because uhh.. we are uhh.. justified. No, this is a call to action.

So Paul says again, that we are dead to sin, and alive to Christ. There is this great victory that has been won. Christ died for our sins. Hurrah, soldier. So now, pick up your guns and fight.
But often we buy into the thought of well I'm sinning, this must be where God wants me right now. Because he is sovereign over all of us. I've boughten into that one before.

But what Paul says in 1 Timothy is "train yourselves in righteousness". It doesn't say wait for God to instill it in you. Train. Sweat. Work. Fight. This will not happen with you sitting around (fits in with my problem with initiative).

Romans 6:19
"..for just as you presented your members as slaves to impurity and to lawlessness resulting in further lawlessness, so now present your members as slaves of righteousness.." What he is saying to do is with the same vigor we often use to sin, you can now use that energy for good. It's the differenec in.. I'm going to loose some sleep tonight so I can look at internet pornography and I'm going to loose some sleep tonight so I can get into the Word and pray, and seek God.

What he says to answer the question of sin, and why we keep sinning, and what to do to get out of it is.. take that energy we once used to sin and use it to do good. We are justified now. We are set free. But we do have to fight. We can't sit and wait. For that sin lurks under our couches.. waiting for us while we watch television. Waiting for us in our inactivity.

We must train ourselves. We must fight sin. And we don't have to be a spiritual elite. Jesus came to save the lowest of the low. We don't have to have the Torrah memorized. God can do amazing things with the most common or even bad people (Peter, Paul, etc..).

So this training in righteousness is seaded in action. We must work. We must not wait around. Being justified isn't going to make us righteous. God can not work in us if we are motionless, waiting for Him to come rescue us. We must work in God's grace to seek righteous things. That is where our energy should lie.

Sean

What is wrong with me? Initiative.

What am I waiting on? Do I not realize that unless I act, things won't change?

I often question God for the situations I am in, asking "Why are things like this? Help me to get this/that.." But I am completely forgetting my own responsibility. I have the ability to go out and do many things. But often I am lazy! Often I let fear overrule me! Often I say to myself, "I don't know what to do with myself!". I think I feel like this all of the time. But I am neglecting my own ability to choose. To MAKE things happen. To CREATE.

I think one of the most powerful things I have read was about our ability to choose our response. This is one of the greatest freedom's we have, but most of us (including myself) don't exercise this. We proclaim, "that person just makes me so mad" but forgetting that we choose our response(this is just one example). We chose to let them anger us. So despite circumstance, despite situation, we have the power to choose our response.

Likewise, life is a series of choices. But unfortunately, I am more content in letting things happen to me. And honestly, if it weren't for God's intervention and practically putting things into my lap, and pulling me from certain path, I would be a much different person.

But lately I've been thinking.. Why do I often feel like I am still struggling so much? Why do I feel like I don't know what to do with myself? Why do I throw my arms up and shout, "God! Why do I feel like this?", and his response I think is becoming clear to me. Take initiative. Am I going to sit here and let sin overwhelm me? Or will I realize that I have the choice to get away from that situation? I choose to be lazy. I choose to wait around. I choose to be bored.

One of the things I asked one of my roommates is: "how/why are you always busy doing stuff?". His response was simple, "I just don't want to be bored". When I am not doing anything, is the times I am struggling the most. It's the times sin is most easily able to come into my life. Because I wait for things to happen. And sin easily takes me because I lie in wait for it. I don't seize opportunities.

So, I need help. I need the strength and courage to start realizing my own resposibility for my actions and ultimately my own hapinness. I can't give that responsibility to God for ME TO ACT!@.

I can (and probably will) talk a lot more about this. But for now, I gotta go to sleep. Goodnight.

Dallas Winter Conference.

I'm going to try and be brief with my words--because there is so much that went on that I could write days on about it. And I want people to actually read this. (if you just want to know my experience scroll down to "My Experience".)

About the Place:
So, Dallas Winter Conference is a 5-day convention put on by CRU (Campus Crusade for Christ) in downtown Dallas. We stayed at this huge/gorgeous hotel called the Wydham Anatole which is simply amazing. To give you some kind of picture- one lobby is about the size of the Alkek Library with about 8 stories on one wing then about 15 on the other. Follow that up with another 28 story tower that none of us really stayed at, and this other huge seperate building that we didn't even get to see. Then you have these huge gigantic ballrooms, and courtyards, and conference rooms. The whole place is laced with ancient artifacts, expensive paintings, decorative designs, and anything else you can imagine. They had this row of almost life-size creations of elephants next to the main ballroom.

Details:
We had two main meetings everyday. One in the morning at 9 then then other at night starting at 7. During the day we had different things for us to do from workshops, to free time, to information about summer projects, etc. There were about 1000 students from the red river region which includes Texas, Oklahoma, and Arkansas. There were about 60 with our group from Texas State (eat ' em up cats!).

Speakers:
The MC's (introducers) were Paul Wheatley (or "the wheat") and this girl they call AE. Paul reinacted the Napolean Dynamite dance (which I have to say was quite amazing since I am trying to learn the dance myself).

The first speaker was Matt Chandler who I thought was quite amazing. Very charasmatic, VERY relevant, very funny, and just brought a lot of new and pertinent issues to the front. I'm still trying to do a recap on all of it. Besides knocking on all the recent trend of the new books by Piper, and leadership training etc, one of the cool things he talked about was that the effort we used to use on sinning, with Christ we can no expend on doing righteous things. Personally that means that I don't have to keep on being stuck in the same habits, but am now free to use that energy for good.

The second speaker was Rick James (yes, i said, Rick James biatch). He was also very good. Had much dry humor, and brought some very relevant issues to the table. He explained what worship is. He said that worship is expelling/squeezing out all the bile/sin/despair/thoughts/everything poured out to God, and allow God in-turn to pour into you. It is in this attitude that we are being honest and open to God, that we can let God enter into us. As long as are hearts are closed off we can never really experience God, and God's grace cannot come into us.

My Experience:
Where the heart of this is what happened with me--My experience at DWC. I think God definently used this experience to teach me many things. First through the speakers, second through my roommates and all of the guys I got to meet, and then even through the girls. I realized how much I need my guy friends. I learn more through these guys than probably from anyone else. I NEED that core group of friends to have as a base. I need to seek that out. I loved getting to know these guys, and I love the motivation and energy I get from being around them. I love that Im able to be myself, and to learn, and to grow, and I am learning just how amazing it can be with these guys at my side. God, if you want to know my prayer, this is it.

Guys: Coal, Derek, Ethan, Jordan, Colin, Luna, Joe, Aric, Joey, etc.

I got to meet some really cool girls, and I got to see how wonderful the girls from CRU around me really are. Let me just list some exeptional girls I got to meet/hang out with: Grace, Sandy, Mary, Marissa, Corrie, Lindsay, Marcy, Jessie, and more. Most of these girls I already knew but didn't really see there awesomeness just do to my own blindness. These girls are awesome, and are a great encouragement to myself.

Honestly there is so much more I want to write. It is hard to get a grasp on the spiritual experience because we are not talking about tangible things. We are talking about feelings, and thoughts, and this other realm that you can't describe other than G-O-D.

I spent much time playing Dodge Hack which is most likely the greatest game ever invented. I had a blast, and I would LOVE to talk to anyone and everyone about it.

Sean

We had a pretty sweet New Years Eve party at our apartment. Was a blast.. had about 20-25 people. I'm about to goto sleep. I am packing up to goto Dallas Winter Connference in you guessed it, Dallas. So to all the 3 of you who may read this don't hold your tongue too long. I''ll be back on the 7th.

M-Rice, to answer your question: YES you may.

Cya you guys soon.

Sean Raybuck