Seananigans

I came to Texas State University having no idea what I wanted to do. If you read my last post you might get a better sense of why this is..

I am "supposed" to be on my senior year in college, but alas, I have taken a hiatus from school this entire year! All of last semester and now this semester as well.

"WHY!?", I get asked this a lot. Well, quite frankly I have finished all of my basic requirements, and I am still not sure of what I want to do with my life. I have a lot of questions.

After being more or less "undecided" in my major (although had a few declared ones) I finally settled in on philosophy. Oh, FYI and BTW, Philosophy is not the major you want to take if you have questions, because you only gain more.

So, here I am, 3 years later, all basics out of the way and what am I left with? I can not say it was all for naught. Certainly all of my experiences have shaped me for the better. I have been blessed with great roommates, and friends all around because of Campus Crusade for Christ. Despite not being in school, I still make a lot of efforts to stay involved. CRU, Outreach, Bible studies, CCC, 555, some work (still need another job), and trying to set some things up with guys. But is all this filling? I feel that a lot of this is just filler. It is easy to have a lot of things "going on" in your life, and to go to a lot of things/events, but this doesn't mean satisfaction by any means.

Its tough not knowing what I am going to with school and career. It is hard feeling like I have taken 3 years of school all to no real avail. It's tough to find out I have a lot of surface relationships, but not very many real ones.

"So what am I doing now?", you ask. I am working a little bit in Wimberley, I am helping lead a Bible study with Morgan Knect, sitting in on some classes, reading, trying to figure out what direction I am supposed to go in.

I am comforted by the fact I have talked to many other college students who feel they don't really know what they are working towards either. Who don't know what they want to do after college. Simply a comfort in knowing I am not alone in this.

I still have a lot of hope, and I don't feel disconnected because of the people around me. But I just wanted to get this out there. So if anyone is reading this, now you know. :)

Long, but worth the read. I just wrote this for an application to work at a summer camp called Pinecove, and thought this might be a good chance to expose some people to my life.. viewers read at your own discretion.

I grew up going to church. My mom was raised having a prejudice against Christianity and my dad stopped going to church when he went to college. But they wanted for my older brother and I to be raised with a church influence, so when I was about five and brother eight, they put us in Vacation Bible School (VBS).

One could say I grew up going to church. Both my parents started getting involved with church more and more, and of course where ever they went, me and my brother would go as well. Every Sunday, and many Wednesdays as well.

Now, being involved in church and being a Christian are two completely different things. I was a completely lost soul. Despite being involved with my churches youth group and going on summer mission trips every summer called UMARMY (United Methodist Action Reach-out Mission by Youth), my soul was corrupt and divisive.

The group of friends I grew up with started getting into a lot of bad things, and I, in wanting to be and stay their friend, followed suit. Both of my parents worked until late, so I would walk or ride my bike home after school and be alone for a few hours until they got home. Despite my parents being wonderful and caring people, their involvement in my life was severely lacking. My dad would come home from after work and be so exhausted, he would retire on the couch in front of the television every night, and my mom would be busy with school work and lesson plans. That left me longing and wanting acceptance and attention from my parents that I never really got. Unfortunately as well, I was never prompted to do my homework. That is, it was never enforced on me. And of course, as a kid, I opted not to do it--so even though I was an intelligent kid, I think I cheated on the majority of my school work.

So this great divide occured, or maybe it was always there. I was still very involved with my churches youth group, but I had all this junk in my life. I would come back from mission trips on a "spiritual high", but was miserable when I got back in school, and never understood why. I had this very deep longing for acceptance and love that was going unmet, I had no real parental guidance, I was getting into bad things with my friends, I cheated in school and never learned to work hard for anything, I was extremely insecure, and I had a lot of "intellectual" barriers keeping me from Christ amoung other things. Towards the end of my senior year, I started partying and drinking with my "friends".

This followed me into college. Having no idea what I wanted to do after highschool, college became the next step. I came to Texas State University and didn't know anybody (my "friends" all went in different directions) and I didn't have any idea what I wanted to study. My older brother was going to the same college, and I started hanging out with him and his friends my freshmen year. They were always partying and drinking, and so I got into more of that.

With all of this going on, my soul was dead. I cannot decribe it in words. Always this feeling of confusion and feelings I can not make tangible. My first semester at college was miserable, and I ended up transfering dorm buildings for the second semester. This is the start of where God started really working in my life. When I transfered dorms, I ended up in a dorm where I met 9 guys who were involved in this campus ministry called Campus Crusade for Christ (CRU). I was roommates with one of the guys, and two of my next door neighbors were involved in it as well. They started calling me up, seeing how I was doing, what I was up to, and inviting me to CRU. I tagged along with them, and after going a few times, one of the staff ministers with CRU, Paul Wheatley, started taking me out to lunch, asking me questions, and gauging into my life.

I thought of myself as a Christian already, but Paul showed me my need for Christ. We would sit down for lunch, and every week he would bust out the gospel in conversation, saying that Jesus Christ was the only provision for my sins. After many weeks of lunch, and conversation, my life feeling on the inside like a complete wreck, I came to Christ in desperation. Feeling awefully stuck, I pleaded with God to save me. I told Paul of "my decision" the next lunch visit, and we went out into the parking lot and prayed together.

This was the beginning of my Christian life, although the story started way before it, and it would be un-whole if left out. I started getting involved with Bible study groups, and the following summer went to Santa Cruz, CA on a summer project where I became trained and outfitted for sharing the gospel, and exposed to a lot of amazing things. Since then, I've gotten more involved with CRU and the community there. I am helping to lead a Bible study this semester, and am meeting up with a few freshmen and peers on a consistent basis. A big part of my spiritual life now is reading God's word and letting that change my life. I can not say now, or ever, that life is easy. I still struggle and I still fight. I just know that now I have a relationship with God, and he pulls me through with his amazing grace.

LIFE IS HARD!

For roughly the last 2 months I have been working in Wimberley doing maintanence for my uncle at this place called Poco Rio ("little river"). This place hosts about 10 different buildings that are rented out and being used as shops, restaraunts, message therapy, architecture, antiques and more..

My uncle who I work for, Allen Dyer, is now about to "retire" and move out to Rocksprings, TX. One might call my uncle a pretty successful person, and is a self-titled entrepreneur.

In a recent conversation, he told me THE keys to success are:
1.) Work hard.
2.) Take risks.

He said the reason that he is able to take early retirement, and spend it with his wife out on 150 acres of some great Texas hill-country is because he has worked very hard all of his life.

"If you work hard enough for something, you can get it", he explains.

The second pillar of success he says is to take risks. You can never be for certain that an idea you have to [start a business, resteraunt, company] will succeed. In fact, chances are your first time out it probably will not work.

My uncle decided to start a resteraunt business when he was 26. He had to take out some substantial loans to pay for it. Well the business flopped and he went into serious debt. We are talking about $75,000 in debt, which took him the next 6 years to pay off. Now that is a pretty major blow, and can be seen as a huge setback, probably even keep you from trying something like that.

But eventually after much more hard work and time and effot, he paid off his debt. Now, you can bet this was a BIG learning experience. "Mistakes / Failure are often the greatest teachers in life". And "you can't expect to succeed if you don't take risks". It is a part of life. "Very few successful people got to be there after their first risk" my uncle explained.

My uncle plans on selling his business and shops that he worked very hard to create (actually built himself), and that he had to risk a lot to make happen. Now he doesn't have to worry about financial security.

These ideas are pretty common-sensical. But for me very important.

To a young college student, who is taking time off school and who hasn't had to work for very much in his life, this advice is not only very applicable, but very pertinent. Whatever I choose to do, if I work hard and am not afraid of failing I can succeed.

But it takes hard work. It takes risk.

The blog has a new look. And I should be posting a lot more now. I think I finally got the COMMENTS section to work, so if you read this, help me out by replying.

Anyways, this semester will be a good one. This idea of community has been on my mind a lot lately, so you will probably hear me talk about this a lot. It's very important. Anyways I gtg right now, but ill keep everyone updated.